Seize The Opprtunity
by 51Dreaming
Summary: Johnny returns to Los Angeles after undergoing experimental brain surgery in an attempt to control his seizure disorder. What new challenges will he face and how will his struggle affect him - and those he loves the most? Part four of the Seize series


Seize The Opportunity

For the first responders and those who need them.

Chapter One

"Hang on, I'll get the door."

Roy DeSoto inserted his key into the lock, opened the door, and stood aside as Johnny Gage slowly shuffled across the threshold. He tried to assist Johnny with a steadying hand to his shoulder, but Johnny shook him off.

"I can do it, I can do it." As soon as he shook Roy's hand off, Joanne took his arm and guided him to the sofa. She sat him down and took a seat beside him.

"Don't you try that with me, John. You may not be in the hospital any more, but you're at our house. And we have rules, too. Got it?" Johnny laughed softly, then winced.

"Got it. I'm too tired to argue, anyway." He leaned back on the sofa. Man, my head is killing me." Joanne glanced at Roy as he brought the bags in and closed the door. He crouched down in front of Johnny.

"Let's get you into bed, and I'll give you another Oxycodone." Johnny smiled wearily.

"Yeah, okay."

Joanne and Roy assisted Johnny to his feet and helped him walk unsteadily into the den. At the entryway, he turned to Joanne. "Your house, I know...but gimme some privacy, okay?" Joanne nodded.

"Sure, sweetie. I'll go get you some water."

Roy closed the door to the den, sat Johnny on the bed, and helped him change into pajamas. He pulled the blankets aside and eased Johnny into a reclining position. Johnny sighed with relief.

"I did it. Mayo clinic, testing, surgery. I did it. It's over." Roy adjusted the blankets.

"You sure did, Junior."

Joanne tapped on the door and entered with a glass of water. Roy handed Johnny an Oxycodone. He popped the pill into his mouth and took a gulp of water.

"I wanna thank ya for helping me. Again." He chuckled. "I thought I'd hop on a plane, come back to L.A., and go home to my apartment. Never thought I'd feel so awful, never thought I'd...still be gettin' in your way." Joanne reached out to smooth his hair, realizing at the last moment that the surgeon had shaved Johnny's head, leaving him with a head of fuzz, a huge incision, and a couple dozen staples. She patted his cheek.

"Get some rest. I'll bring in a tray at dinner." Johnny nodded and closed his eyes. Joanne took Roy's hand and led him out of the den, closing the door quietly behind them. They collapsed on the sofa. Roy put his arm around Joanne, and they sat together, lost in their own thoughts. Finally Roy broke the silence.

"They told him recovery would be a hard road. Wish he could accept that. It would make things easier on him."

"Well, that's Johnny. He either makes things too hard or too easy." Roy kissed the top of Joanne's head and wrapped his other arm around her. He held her close.

"One thing for sure, he's still Johnny. I wasn't sure who I would bring back to L.A." Joanne sighed.

"It was a long summer. But you're home. Whatever lies ahead...you're home."

Chapter Two

"All right, but be careful. And honey - "

Johnny was startled awake when the den door flew open and slammed against the wall. Jenny was standing in the doorway, struggling with a loaded bed tray. She giggled, embarrassed by her mistake.

"I'm sorry. The door slipped." Joanne peeked around her.

"John, you all right?" He winced at the pain reverberating in his head.

"Yeah. I'm fine. Jenny, you brought me dinner." Jenny approached the bed, clutching the tray, a shocked smile appearing on her face. Johnny reached out to take the tray, but she shook her head. "Hey. Whatsa matter?"

"Your head. What happened to your head...your hair...Uncle Johnny..." Johnny glanced at Joanne. She smiled apologetically.

"I tried to prepare her. I tried." Johnny sighed, carefully sat up, and reached out to Jenny.

"Come here." She didn't move. "Jen...put the tray down and come here." Joanne gently took the tray from Jenny and nudged her toward Johnny. Reluctantly, Jenny took Johnny's hand. Joanne carried the tray out of the den and closed the door. "So. I forgot you didn't see me after the surgery. Your mom took you home." She nodded. Johnny tried to pull her closer, but she resisted. He dropped her hand and tried another tactic.

"Wanna feel it?" She rewarded him with a small smile.

"kinda."

"Well, ya can't feel it from over there." He ran his hand over his head. "Come on. Feels weird." Slowly, Jenny put her hand out and gently ran it over the fuzz on Johnny's head.

"Does it hurt?"

"Nah. It's numb."

""Uncle Johnny, are those...staples?"

"Yeah. They opened my scalp and stapled it shut." She winced.

"Are you sure it doesn't hurt?"

"I'm sure. Hey, why don't you just think of it as...a little haircut and a big owie?"

"I think it's more like...a huge haircut and a gigantic owie." Johnny laughed.

"Okay. The world's most gigantic haircut and a gargantuan owie. And you saw it before Chris." Her face lit up.

"Oh, yeah!" She planted a kiss on his cheek. "Glad it doesn't hurt." She ran from the room, banging into Roy, almost knocking the tray from his hands. He called over his shoulder.

"Jennifer! Slow DOWN!" He shook his head, brought the tray in, and placed it over Johnny's lap.

"Thanks." Johnny took a nibble of dinner. Roy watched him for a moment.

"You handled that really well, Junior."

"I been practicing."

"On who?"

"Stewardesses." Roy chuckled. "I do have a nice shaped head, though. Never would have known if it hadn't been shaved."

"You'll know if you go bald."

"I ain't going bald, Pally. You are...but not me."

Chapter Three

When Johnny awoke the next morning, the house was quiet. He slowly pulled on a robe and shuffled out of the den. The living room was empty. The sounds of dishes being washed came from the kitchen. He pushed his way carefully through the door into the kitchen. Joanne was at the sink, her back to him. The walk from the den had winded Johnny, and he took a seat at the table. The sound startled Joanne and she turned.

"Johnny! I've been checking on you every ten minutes. I was going to bring you breakfast in bed."

"Nah, I'm all right."

"Coffee?"

"Sure, thanks." She placed a mug in front of him. "Where is everyone?"

just left. Roy took the kids to school and went on to work." Johnny stared at her, incredulous.

"School? But it's - "

"September." He sat, deflated for a moment. "Yeah, I guess it is." He sighed. "I lost the summer." Joanne turned back to the sink.

"I dunno. Seems you achieved a lot this past summer." Johnny shrugged a shoulder.

"Can't remember much of it. Just glad it's over." Joanne turned back to him with a smile.

"How about you have our back-to-school breakfast special? I make it every year. Eggs, bacon, and PopTarts." Johnny laughed.

"Who's celebrating? You or the kids?" She laughed. Oh, me. Definitely me. Come, I'll eat with you."

Johnny rested his head on his hands and watched Joanne make the breakfast. Sitting upright was a monumental task. He smiled as she placed his plate in front of him.

"I make this stuff at work, too."

"I know. That's where I got the idea."

"Oh, yeah?

"Sugar, salt, fat...the kids love it." He took a bite of the PopTart.

"What about you and Roy?" She laughed.

"If it's fast and easy, and the kids will eat it, I'm all for it." She looked closely at his face - the pain, exhaustion, the worry. She stood and picked up his plate.

"Come...let's get you back to bed."

"But - "

"Come. I don't want to get in trouble for allowing you to overdo it. Come." Reluctantly, Johnny hauled himself to his feet and shuffled after Joanne, out of the kitchen, into the living room, toward the den. When he reached the sofa, he abruptly sat, winded.

"I gotta rest." Joanne placed his breakfast plate on the coffee table.

"Be right back." Johnny leaned back, resting his head on the sofa cushions. He had broken out in a sweat from the effort.

"Oh man, I don't believe this..."

Joanne returned with his pillow and blanket from the den. She dropped the pillow on the side of the sofa and gestured for him to lie down.

"Lie down and get some rest."

"This is ridiculous."

"Yes. Lie down." slowly, Johnny stretched out on the sofa, sighing as the pillow relieved him of the weight of his head. Joanne covered him with the blanket.

"Want to watch some TV? This time of day, you have soap operas and game shows." She switched on the TV and slowly flipped through a few channels. "See anything you like?"

But Johnny had fallen asleep.

Joanne sighed, then went to straighten up the den. On the nightstand was a pocket calendar, each day since the surgery crossed out with a determined looking "X," the date six months after the surgery marked by the letter "D." She pondered it for a moment.

"'D' is for 'driving.' Oh, sweetheart..." She flipped through the calendar more, page after empty page, until she reached the date marking Johnny's one-year anniversary after the surgery.

"And 'J' is for...'job.'" She shook her head.

"I hope you make it. And if you don't...I don't want to think about what it will do to you. Just don't...put all your eggs in one basket." She replaced the calendar, straightened the room, and checked on Johnny. He was still asleep. She picked up his breakfast dish and brought it into the kitchen. As she cleaned it, a scrap of conversation from years earlier floated into her consciousness.

"I was meant to be a rescue man."

Who had said that? Roy? Johnny? She couldn't remember. What if the tables were turned and it was Roy sleeping on that sofa, waiting to see what his future held? She smiled.

He'd probably be crossing days off a calendar, too.

Once a rescue man, always a rescue man.

Chapter Four

Roy pulled his car into the lot behind Fifty-Ones, stretched, took a deep breath, and headed inside. He was greeted by a chorus of familiar voices.

"Roy! Returning to to the scene of the crime!"

"Funny, Chet."

"Seriously, man...welcome back. How's Johnny?"

"Doin' good. He's with us."

"Roy, welcome back. John okay?"

"Yeah, Marco. Tired, but okay."

"I'm gonna come see him after shift."

"He'll like that."

"Roy, glad you're back."

"Thanks, Mike."

"Anything I can do to help with John? Cooking, shopping, anything?"

"I'll ask Joanne. I'm sure she'll appreciate the help."

"No problem, man."

Roy opened his locker and started changing. His partner, Daniel Harris, emerged from the group and shook his hand.

"Glad to have you back, Roy."

"Thanks, Dan. Hear you had to put up with Brice while I was gone." Dan laughed.

"He's a trip, all right. Talked a lot about you and John. How he'd like a working relationship like you two had."

"Yeah, well..." Roy hid his face in his locker. "I suppose we have to re-arrange the drug box from Brice's standard to ours." Dan laughed.

"You bet."

Cap stuck his head in the locker room.

"DeSoto, I'd like a word with you after Roll Call."

Chapter Five

"Take a seat, Roy."

Roy perched on the edge of a chair in Cap's office.

First day back after weeks of unpaid leave...this couldn't be good news. Was he being transferred? Demoted? He held his breath. Cap smiled one of his vague might-be-angry-might-be-bad-news-might-be nothing smiles.

"Nervous about returning? You've been gone all summer."

"I'll be all right."

"Not to pry, but how did you manage financially this past summer? Must have been difficult." Roy shifted uncomfortably. He didn't want to discuss it. Talking about the financial strain he'd put on his family brought up the simmering resentment he had towards Johnny, his disability, his neediness. And that made him feel guilty. Wasn't as though many of Johnny's other friends had stood by him.

"We got along. Tightened our belts. Kids pretty much hung around the house. No vacation. It was all right. We managed." Cap nodded. He reached into his desk drawer and pulled out an envelope, which he handed to Roy.

"Maybe this will help." Roy stared at the envelope. Cap laughed. "Open it, you twit." Roy heard laughter coming from the doorway. The crew was crowding into the office, watching him. He opened the envelope and pulled out a check.

"This is..."

"Donated pay. I spent the summer hustling it up for you. A few bucks here, a few bucks there. Even the brass chipped in." Roy stared at the check as though it might explode in his hand. Cap reached into his desk and pulled out another envelope. "This one is for Johnny."

Roy opened his mouth but nothing came out. He gulped.

The Klaxons sounded.

"Squad Fifty-One, heart attack..."

Chapter Six

Ten days later, Johnny woke up, reached for the pocket calendar, clicked opened the pen he'd hooked on it, flipped to the appropriate page, and drew a dark "X" through the previous day. Saturday. He counted the days he'd crossed off, the days that lay ahead. He tapped the calendar on the mattress and stared at the ceiling.

"Damn time, moving so slow..." He hauled himself out of bed, carefully kneeled by his suitcase, and pulled out some clothes.

When he emerged from the den, the kids were sitting at a bridge table, starting a jigsaw puzzle. He walked past them into the kitchen. Joanne was standing by the window, staring into the backyard. She looked tired. She looked worried. Johnny knew he had a lot to do with her fatigue and fear. His heart turned over.

"Mornin'." She turned and smiled.

"Well, look at you. Up and dressed." He shrugged.

"Gettin' tired of laying around in my pajamas. Thought I'd start doing a few things." Joanne's eyes narrowed.

"What kinds of things? You're supposed to be resting." He shrugged again.

"I dunno. There's gotta be some things I can do. How about I..." He looked around. "Set the table for breakfast?"

"All right."

"I can clear, too." Joanne laughed. "One thing at a time." Johnny laughed.

"All right, all right." He glanced at the clock. "Roy leave?"

"About fifteen minutes ago." She sighed. "It's hard when he works weekends. At least he had Saturday off. But I wish...he got all weekend. He misses time with the kids." Johnny's face fell. Another sacrifice he'd never considered. Joanne's voice interrupted his thoughts. "Well, this isn't getting breakfast served. I'll start the pancakes. You pull out the flatware."

"Flatware, right." He opened the flatware drawer while Joanne grabbed the frying pan and oil. "Uh..."

"Forks, knives, and spoons for four, hon. You want fruit?" He stared into the drawer. It was filled with silver, a solid block of it. He couldn't distinguish one piece of flatware from another. It was just a block of metal. He closed the drawer, his heart beginning to pound.

"Johnny? You want fruit?"

"Yeah. Fruit's good. Excuse me."

"Johnny? You okay?"

"Yeah, yeah. I'll be right back." He left the kitchen and headed into the living room. Jenny saw him and waved him over.

"Uncle Johnny, can you help us with this?" His brain felt foggy; he shook his head, trying to clear it.

"Sure, Jen. What's the problem?"

"this puzzle. It's too hard." Chris snickered.

"Is not. It's just 5000 pieces." Johnny tried to chuckle.

"Five thousand? That's quite a challenge. You need help?"

"Well, we got the edges down, and now we're kinda stuck."

"Okay, let's take a look." Johnny sat down at the bridge table and looked inside the box. It contained one massive piece of cardboard. He couldn't tell where one piece left off and another began. As he stared into the box, he heard Jenny's voice.

"See? It's too hard. I don't think we can do it." Johnny rose from the table, murmured, "I'll help ya later," and returned to the kitchen. Joanne was mixing the pancake batter. He took her arm, fighting back the rising panic in his gut.

"I need help. Now."

Chapter Seven

Roy and Dan had just changed into their uniforms when the klaxons sounded.

"Squad 51, woman in labor..." They rushed into the squad, Cap handed them the address, and they took off. As they cleared the driveway, Roy chuckled.

"Whenever I miss breakfast at home, we get an early call. It's like clockwork." Dan laughed appreciatively.

"At least we can eat at Rampart. What was Joanne going to make?"

"Pancakes."

"I'll treat you."

"Thanks."

"As they crossed an intersection, the Dispatcher's voice came over the radio.

"Squad 24, man with seizure..." Roy inadvertently slammed the accelerator; the squad lurched forward.

"Hey Roy, careful..."

"That's my address. It's Johnny."

"Oh, my God. You wanna cancel this call? Roy shook his head.

"No. Johnny'd kill me. Damn it!"

Chapter Eight

Roy and Dan delivered a perfect baby girl, loaded mother and child into the ambulance, and drove to Rampart. Dan rode with the patients, Roy followed in the squad. It seemed to take forever. They got the patients unloaded and into treatment rooms. Dixie took Roy's arm and motioned him into Treatment Four. The entire process took two hours. It felt like a

lifetime.

Johnny lay on a gurney, an IV in his arm. He was asleep. Roy leaned over him, then looked up at Dixie.

"I heard it from Dispatch. He had a seizure. How bad was it?" Dixie shook her head.

"It wasn't a seizure, Roy. He's all right. But he panicked, he couldn't calm down. Dr. Hoffman sedated him. He's all right."

"It wasn't a seizure? But - "

Ron Hoffman, Johnny's neurologist, pushed through the door into the room.

"Roy. I hear you and Dan delivered a baby. Congratulations."

"What's happening with Johnny?"

"Just a little swelling of the occipital lobe. He had some object identification confusion. Not uncommon after surgery on the visual cortex. It's temporary." Roy felt the room spin; he dropped into a chair.

"It wasn't a seizure?"

"No. But we had a helluva time convincing Johnny." Hoffman laughed. "He's just as stubborn as he was before Mayo. I sedated him, just to help him calm down. He's fine, just sleepy. I'm going to admit him overnight. And I'd like someone from Psych to have a chat with him. Help him get his bearings a bit better." Roy let out a chuckle.

"Oh, he'll love that."

Chapter Nine

"I can do it, I can do it..."

Johnny shoved the orderlies' hands away and hoisted himself from the gurney to the hospital bed. The orderlies left the room, taking the gurney with them. The nurse who followed the gurney into Johnny's room took his BP, pulse, and respiration, then smiled at him.

"I'll be back in a while. Try to sleep." Johnny sighed and rested his hands under his head. He rolled on his side and was startled to see Roy smiling at him.

"What're you doin' here?"

"Just checking on you. The call came in over Dispatch. Scared me to death."

"Huh." Johnny closed his eyes. "It shouldn't any more. Just another..." He raised the bed to a sitting position. "It's over." Roy shook his head.

"What's over?" Johnny waved his hands as he sought the right words.

"This...my recovery, my job...it's over."

"John, you didn't - "

"I'm so Goddam angry...all that work, that ruined summer - YOUR ruined summer...down the drain because of THIS!" His fist went up, aiming for his head. Roy grabbed it.

"Johnny! You didn't have a seizure. Leave yourself alone." Johnny stared at him.

"Whadaya mean, I didn't - "

"You didn't have a seizure. It's a side effect from the surgery. It will pass." Johnny jerked his arm away.

"How do YOU know? You didn't see what happened. You weren't there! Ask Joanne, ask the - " His voice trembled. "Ask the kids." Roy shook his head.

"Ask Dr. Hoffman." Johnny ran his hand though the fuzz on his head, dazed and confused.

"Hoffman?"

"Yeah. He said it's swelling in your occipital lobe.

It's temporary. It'll pass."

"But - "

"It'll pass." Johnny's head hit the pillow.

"I don't remember."

"I know. Lorazapam. The guys from 24's gave you Lorazepam at the scene, Hoffman gave you a bolster. You were panicking."

"It wasn't a seizure?"

"No."

"Why was I admitted?"

"Because you're a jerk who wants to punch himself in the head." Johnny threw Roy a resentful glance.

"Don't make fun of me."

"I'm sorry."

"shouldn't you be at work?" Roy laughed.

"On my way. Get some rest. I'll see you later. And leave your head alone." He squeezed Johnny's hand and left the room. Johnny stared at the ceiling.

"God, I hate myself."

Chapter Ten

"John? I'm Bob Freeman."

Later that day, Johnny awoke to find a doctor sitting by his bed. He raised the bed and regarded Freeman though sleepy eyes.

"You from Neurology? Cause I don't remember much of - " Freemen shook his head.

"I'm from Psychiatry." Johnny shook his head in disgust.

"Psych? Oh, no. I'm not crazy."

"I know you're not."

"Look, I been through this crap at Mayo. Had to see a shrink. I'm not going through it again."

"Going through what?"

"I AIN'T talkin' to no shrink."

"Okay." Freeman stood up and offered Johnny a card. "If you change your mind, here's my number." Johnny took the card. He eyed Freeman suspiciously.

"That's it?"

"Yup. That's it." Freeman headed toward the door.

"Wait." Freeman turned. The hand-on-the-doorknob moment. The moment all doctors knew. The moment when the patient finally said what was on his mind.

"What is it, John?"

"I, uh..." Johnny shrugged. "I almost punched myself in the head."

"What stopped you?"

"My friend. He grabbed my hand."

"Good thing he was there."

"I guess. Thing is..." Johnny tapped the card on the bed railing, raised in case he seized. "I still wanna do it. Punch myself in the head. Kinda scares me, ya know?" A thoughtful look crossed Freeman's face. He returned to Johnny's bedside and sat down.

"So, why do you want to hurt yourself?" Johnny dropped his eyes from Freeman's compassionate gaze.

"I...dunno. I'm tired, I'm a drag, everyone is fed up with me...I..."

Freeman waited. Johnny shrugged.

"I dunno."

Chapter Eleven

"Before you're discharged, let's get these staples out..." Johnny broke into a cold sweat as Dr. Brackett placed a metal basin on the bed and picked up a pair of surgical pliers. "Johnny? You all right?"

"Yeah...yeah, I'm fine. Just tell me when yer gonna - - " the first staple clinked softly as it dropped into the basin. Johnny jumped. Brackett smiled.

"Painless, right?"

"I didn't feel anything."

Clink.

"Of course not. All the nerves on your scalp were severed."

Clink.

"It's crazy. Gettin' the staples removed scares me more than the surgery."

Clink.

"Doesn't surprise me. You don't have a lot of inner resources right now."

Clink.

"Tell me about it. It's incredible."

Clink.

"what is?"

"Used to think I could handle anything."

Clink.

"No one is invincible."

"I know. Now. Hoffman made me uh...talk to a shrink."

Clink.

"How'd it go?"

Clink.

"Okay. I'm uh...gonna talk with him more."

"Who are you seeing?"

Clink.

"Freeman. Bob Freeman."

"Good man."

Clink.

"Yeah. Listen, don't spread this around, okay? That i'm talkin' to a shrink. Don't want people thinking I'm - "

Clink.

"Crazy."

Chapter Twelve

"Check it out, man."

Johnny grinned at Roy the next afternoon as Roy walked into his room with a change of clothes. Roy shook his head.

"Check what out?"

"My head! The staples are out. And the scar..." He ran his fingers across the incision, still pink and swollen. "My hair will cover it. Completely. I know ya can see it now, but not forever. Just like they said. It's growin' awfully slow, though. Whadaya think?"

Roy didn't respond.

"Hey. Whadaya think?" He tapped Roy's arm. "Hey, you all right?" Roy looked at him, startled.

"I'm sorry. What did you say?" Johnny shook his head.

"Nothing important. He took the clothes from Roy's hands. "Thanks." He began dressing while he studied Roy's face. "What's bugging you?"

"Nothing."

"Come on, Roy. What's bugging you, man?" Roy shook his head.

"Nothing, Junior." He shrugged.

"Okay, don't tell me."

"look...it's the kids. There's a little...problem at school."

"What kind of problem?"

"Nothing we can't handle." He smiled. "Ready to go?"

Chapter Thirteen

"Sprout, how'd you get that shiner?" Johnny entered the house, sat on the sofa, and took Chris's chin in his hand. Chris pulled away.

"Forget it."

"Aw, come on."

"I don't wanna talk about it." Chris jumped up from the sofa and headed upstairs. Johnny started after him, but Roy caught his arm.

"Let him go. Look, how about you go lie down? You're exhausted." Johnny pulled away and started up the stairs.

"Not until I find out what's going on."

"John, I said no." Johnny stared at him.

"But - "

"He's my son. Leave him be."

"He's my nephew. And I - "

Joanne beckoned to Roy from the kitchen doorway. "Hon, I need to talk to you. Now."

"All right." He turned to Johnny, his voice softened. "I'll tell you what happened in a minute. Let me talk to Joanne first." Johnny continued to look up the staircase. "John. Leave him be." Johnny drooped in defeat.

"Okay, okay. I just thought I could help."

"Go lie down. I'll be there in a minute." Roy disappeared into the kitchen. Johnny looked around the living room.

"Don't wanna lie down. Sick of lying down..." He collapsed on the sofa and rubbed his aching head. He checked the puzzle box. He still couldn't differentiate one piece from another. "Damn it..."

The kitchen door swung open and Jenny appeared, sniffling. She glanced at Johnny and headed for the staircase. Johnny hauled himself to his feet.

"Jenny, what's goin' on?" She shook her head. Johnny reached for her, but she backed away. "Jenny...talk to me, come on." She stopped, took a deep breath, and burst into tears. He took her hand, walked her to the sofa, and sat her down.

"Hey, hey...calm down. What's goin' on? Why are you crying?" She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand, shook her head, and shrugged.

"I can't tell you."

"Whadaya mean, ya can't tell me? Jenny - " Jenny shook her head, stood up, and headed toward the stairs. At the base of the staircase, she stopped, her head bowed.

"Sometimes I wish..."

"Yeah? Whadaya wish?" She lifted her head, and glanced at him, then started climbing the stairs.

"Jen, wait - " Jenny stopped in the middle of the staircase, her hands clenched, her eyes brimming, her shoulders shaking.

"I wish you would go home."

"What?"

"I'm sick of you, sick of epilepsy, sick of your seizures, sick of being teased. Just - go home, Uncle Johnny! Go HOME!"

Chapter Fourteen

"This is ridiculous. I'm calling her back and talking to her." Roy picked up the phone, his hand shaking, his jaw clenched. "What's her number?" Joanne gently took the receiver and hung it up.

"No. Don't. You go talk to Johnny, I'll talk to the kids."

"But - "

"Roy, did you hear Jenny yell at Johnny to go home? Go talk to him. I bet he's packing right now." Roy shook his head.

"Kids first. No one treats my kids like that. I gotta do something, damn it!"

"Not when you're upset. You'll make things worse. Go talk to Johnny."

Chapter Fifteen

"Joanne was right." Roy stood in the doorway to the den, shaking his head.

Johnny looked up from his suitcase. "I'm goin' home." He looked around the room. "I got clothes in the wash." He started for the door. Roy caught him by the shoulders and guided him, resisting, to the bed. "Hey, leggo!"

"Nope. You're not packing, you're not leaving. Come on, you just got out of the hospital, your brain is foggy, you aren't seeing right. You're not leaving."

"But - "

"Nope." He sat Johnny on the bed, took the suitcase and shoved it into the closet. Johnny held his head in his hands.

"Jenny wants me to leave. Chris won't talk to me. I've..." He chuckled sadly. "I've overstayed my welcome. By about, oh...four months. I'm gonna call Dixie tomorrow, get some home health care person to help me out. Then I'm leaving."

Roy dropped into a chair near the bed. He sighed. "Johnny...you don't even know what happened. The kids aren't really angry at you."

"Oh, yeah? Well, they're sure doin' a good imitation of it." He stretched out on the bed. "Man, my head is killing me. Why?"

"Uh...because you had it opened a couple of months ago?"

"Oh, yeah."

"Let me get you an Oxycodone." Johnny laughed, then winced.

"On top of yesterday's Lorazapam? No way, man." Roy rolled his eyes.

"Yes, 'way.' Look, John - "

There was a knock at the door. Roy opened it to find an embarrassed pair of kids.

"Daddy..." Jenny whispered. "Can we come in?" Roy glanced over at Johnny, who had sat up, smiling. He ushered them through the door.

"John, I'm going to get you that Oxycodone. Kids, keep it short. Uncle Johnny's got a headache." He left the den, closing the door quietly behind him.

The trio smiled uncomfortably at one another for a moment, until Johnny chuckled. "Uncle Johnny IS a headache." The kids shrugged, then laughed. "So, ya mind telling me what's goin' on? Besides my being a pain in the rear? Chris, how'd you get that black eye?"

"I got in a fight."

"I figured that much out myself." He paused. "It was about me, right?"

"Kinda. But kinda not. My teacher...we had to give a speech about what we did with our summer vacation."

"Oh, I remember doing those. So, what did you say?"

"I said we went to Minnesota because you were having brain surgery for your epilepsy."

"And someone punched ya? I don't get it."

"Some of the kids...didn't believe people could have brain surgery. Then I tried to explain what happened, and I told them about your seizures, and my teacher...kinda said I was making it up."

"Making it up? Making what up?"

"Your seizures. She said people fall on the ground and foam at the mouth when they have seizures."

"Oh."

"Then we went to recess...and this kid called me a liar. So I decked him." Johnny suppressed a laugh of approval.

"Ya decked him."

"Yeah. But not until he socked my eye. He started it, I swear."

"I believe you. Did ya deck him good?"

"Made his mouth bleed. He cried, too."

"That's uh...not...a good thing to do. I mean, I'm proud of ya, defending yourself and all...but don't do it again." Chris was silent. "Hey, what're you NOT telling me?" Chris shook his head. "Chris...don't make me...deck ya."

"Look, don't be mad, okay? I just kinda wish we'd gone on a regular vacation, like everyone else. I know it's not your fault. But I'm mad anyway." Johnny sighed.

"Yeah. I'm mad too. I ruined your summer. I never apologized for that, did I?"

"No, you didn't."

"I am now."

"Okay."

"Well, it's not okay, but it's the best I can do." Chris nodded and left the den. Johnny turned his attention to Jenny.

"So. I'm sorry I - " To Johnny's surprise, Jenny threw her arms around him and cried. "Jen...calm down." She choked back her tears.

"I was mean to you. I'm angry. But I shouldn't have been mean." He brushed the wet hair from her face.

"How about we forget it?" She hugged him again.

"I'll try. I'm sorry." He held her close so she wouldn't see the pain in his eyes. When his emotions were under control, he released her and smiled.

"You'd better scram before your Dad catches ya still talking to me." She nodded, then studied his head.

"The staples are gone."

"Yeah."

"Feel better?"

"Much," he lied.

"I'm glad." She dropped a perfunctory kiss on his cheek and slipped from the room. Johnny stretched out on the bed and rubbed his head, now pounding with anger and frustration.

"Oh, man..."

The door opened and Roy came in with water and a pill. Johnny eyed him suspiciously. "You were outside, listening the whole time."

"Yeah. You know, Junior..." He handed Johnny the pill and water. "Someday, when you meet the right girl and settle down, you're gonna be a great father." Johnny downed the pill, handed the glass to Roy, and settled back down. Roy started toward the door. Johnny raised himself on his elbows.

"Hey. Jenny never told me what was upsetting her. Is it what happened to Chris?" Roy hesitated, then returned to the bed.

"One of Jenny's friends has a sister in Chris's class. She told their mother what happened."

"Yeah? So?"

"Johnny..." He sighed. "The mother thinks

you're schizophrenic. She called to say she doesn't want Jenny playing with her child anymore." Johnny sat up abruptly.

"WHAT?"

"Joanne talked to her. Told her you have epilepsy."

"Oh. It's all right then." Roy grimaced.

"Not exactly. The mother said they're both contagious. She...uninvited Jenny from her daughter's birthday party."

"Didn't Joanne explain - "

"She tried. The mother is scared. She wouldn't listen."

"Give me the number. I'll talk to her."

"No. It won't help. I know the woman. It won't help."

"Then we're back where we started. And I don't know what to do." He passed a weary hand over his eyes.

"Man, my head is killing me."

(Author's Note: Schizophrenia is a mental illness. Epilepsy is a disorder of the central nervous system. While some seizures, particularly some forms of Simple Partial and Complex Partial Seizures, can mimic psychosis, the symptoms have very different causes. Diagnosis by a trained diagnostician is essential. Neither are contagious.)

Chapter Sixteen

(Author's Note: The following chapter contains themes that are adult in nature. Reader discretion is advised.)

"Come in, John."

Four weeks later, Bob Freeman ushered Johnny into his office. He closed the door as Johnny dropped his backpack on the floor and collapsed into a chair. Bob sat opposite him and waited. All their sessions began with the same ritual: Johnny sitting silently, not wanting to talk, and Bob waiting patiently until the dam opened and Johnny spilled his guts.

Ten minutes into the session, Johnny was still silent, rigidly staring somewhere beyond Bob. Somewhere deep inside himself. He glanced at Bob; Bob smiled. Finally, Johnny reached into his backpack and pulled out an envelope. His arm shook, the muscles spasming, and he dropped the envelope. Another temporary side effect of the surgery, or so Johnny'd been told. He muttered, "Stupid shit," reached down, and scooped up the envelope. He opened it, and pulled out a picture. He handed it to Bob.

"That's me at Mayo, when I was having the intracranial EEG. My head is open there. One of the nurses took the picture and gave it to me." Bob nodded. The picture was painful to look at.

"Looks like an awful thing to endure. How long were you like this?" Johnny shrugged.

"I don't remember. Coulda been a day, coulda been a month. I don't remember." Bob started to hand the picture back. Johnny shook his head. "Read what it says on the back." Bob turned the picture over and read the inscription.

"'That which does not kill me strengthens me.' Good quote." Johnny raised his eyebrows and ran his hand through the inch of hair on his head.

"Ya think? I think it's shit."

"Because?" Johnny laughed ironically.

"Pain doesn't make you stronger. Pain just hurts." He reached for the picture; Bob handed it back to him. Johnny ripped the picture up and tossed it over his shoulder. He pulled another picture from the envelope and handed it to Bob. Bob studied it.

"Lovely ballerina. She's performing Giselle, right?" Johnny laughed again.

"So she told me." He held his hand out for the picture. Bob handed it back. Johnny studied it. Bob waited. Johnny placed the picture back in the envelope and stowed it in his backpack.

"Her name's Maggie. I met her at Mayo." He fell silent again. Bob waited. "I got a call last night. She died. In San Francisco. I mean, I knew she was gonna die, but I didn't want to believe it, ya know? We had a bond, we talked all night in ICU, we understood each other, she gave me..." He paused. "She gave me apple pie a la mode. I think...I think if we'd had more time together I might have fallen in love with her." Bob shook his head.

"I'm so sorry, John." Johnny shrugged.

"Maybe I wouldn't have loved her. I was so high on the drugs. Maybe I just...I just wanted her. I dunno. I don't know anything anymore." He fell silent again. Bob waited.

"Roy and Joanne's bedroom is right above the den where I sleep. At night, I can hear 'em talking...I never realized now much they love each other. And I..." Johnny shifted position, rubbed his forehead, ran his fingers over the scar on his scalp. "I can hear 'em...gettin' it on. I mean, I don't wanna hear 'em...sometimes I get up and sit in the kitchen for a while to kinda...give 'em privacy, ya know?"

"Yeah, I understand."

"Mostly I try to tune 'em out because..." He sighed. "I haven't gotten laid since before my first seizure. It was a quickie, ya know? In the back of my car. Just one of those things. If I had known what was about to happen...it wouldn't have been a quickie. It woulda been a weekend, a whole romantic, passionate, two day extravaganza. But I didn't know."

"You couldn't have known."

"I miss sex. I miss women. I miss my job, my hobbies, my friends, my independence. I keep thinking I'm gonna move back to my apartment, but I just...don't have the energy...I mean, what's the point? I still feel like crap, it's not like I can date, I can't get it on, not the way I wanna, the way I used to. I'm not even strong enough to go back to my stupid desk job in Payroll, can't drive for another couple of months..." He crossed his fingers. "If I don't seize. I'm just...tired of waiting. Or maybe I just..." He shook his head. "Maybe I just don't wanna bother anymore." He fell silent again. They sat quietly for a few minutes. Finally, Bob leaned forward.

"John...you still thinking about hurting yourself?" Johnny shook his head.

"Hurting myself, nah. I'm thinkin' about driving my car off a cliff. Been thinkin' about that since before the surgery." He hauled himself to his feet and carefully climbed onto the chair. He looked down at the floor, raised his arms as though he was about to dive into a pool, and grinned at Bob. "One, two, three...down I go." He hopped off the chair, almost fell, caught himself, and shrugged. "Problem solved." He dropped back into the chair. "No more Johnny Gage...or what's left of him, anyway." He glanced at the clock. The session was over. "Well, time's up. See ya in three days."

"Time's not up, John. A patient makes a suicide threat, time's not up." Johnny chuckled.

"I'm not gonna DO it. I just think about it."

"I understand. You know, I spoke with Dr. Hoffman about your depression, about perhaps having you start on an antidepressant. He felt it was too risky, that the possibility of seizures was too great." Johnny shrugged.

"Yeah, whatever." He sat quietly for a moment, lost in thought.

"When I was a paramedic, we would get calls for suicide attempts. I remember this one girl...she had taken an overdose. Her roommate called us. She refused treatment. We got the doc on the line, he said we couldn't do anything until she lost consciousness. So we waited. She uh, she wanted a pack of cigarettes from a table near her bed. We refused to get 'em for her. So she got out of bed and got 'em herself." He chuckled. "Lost her balance and fell, but she got 'em. We offered to call her parents, long distance. Almost took us up on it." He fell silent.

"Did you save her?"

"No. We moved fast once she lost consciousness, got her to the hospital alive, but she didn't make it." He shook his head. "I remember thinking, "Why would SHE wanna do herself in? She was young, healthy, she was..." He chuckled. "She was real pretty." He sighed. "Paramedics are told over and over not to judge people. We get a call, we go to the scene, we stabilize the victim, we transport 'em. Roy, he's...he's a master at not judging. Me, I'm...I'm not so good. I was good at my job, real good. And I don't think anyone knew I was judging people. But I was. Now...I see that girl in my mind, and all I can think is, 'Gage, all she wanted was a cigarette. You should have gotten her that cigarette. Maybe...maybe she woulda let you treat her if you'd just...gotten her that damn cigarette.'" He raised his eyes and looked defiantly at Bob.

"I'm not gonna kill myself. I just want to go back to work so I can hand people their damn cigarettes." He shrugged. "That's why I'm not gonna kill myself. I owe that girl a cigarette." Bob nodded.

"Pretty profound."

"Yeah, that's me. Profound."

"I want you to make a promise to me, John. If you do feel like you're going to take your life, call me first." Johnny chuckled.

"So you can hand me my damn cigarette?"

"something like that, yeah."

Chapter Seventeen

Joanne was waiting for Johnny at the bus stop a mile from the house. She smiled at him as he tossed his backpack in the back and settled himself in the seat next to her.

"So, how was your first semi-independent outing?"

"Wonderful. Now I got Mommy meeting me to drive me a whole mile home." She laughed.

"Point taken. But you're just starting to get your strength back. The day's going to come when you can walk that mile." He shot her a sidelong glance.

"There's a bus stop half a block from my apartment."

"Johnny - "

"I'm ready, Joanne. I wanna go home."

"Who's going to cook your meals, do your laundry, handle things when you - "

"I will. Joanne - " She shook her head.

"No. You're not ready." She paused. "I'm not ready. All right? I'm not ready." Johnny sighed. "Please. Humor me. Please. Stay a while longer. Johnny - " She pulled over, laid her head on the steering wheel, and burst into tears. Johnny slid over and rubbed her back.

"Hey, hey. It's okay. Calm down." She raised her head and wiped her eyes.

"If you were married, it would be different. But you're alone. I can't stand the thought of you in that apartment, trying to taking care of yourself, lying in bed with a headache, cleaning up after yourself, when you can be with us, letting us help. I don't...want you to be alone. Not yet." Johnny hugged her and rolled his eyes.

"Okay, okay. I won't go home yet...geez."

Chapter Eighteen

"UNCLE JOHNNY! TELEPHONE!" Chris bellowed at the top of his lungs. He jumped when a hand tapped him on the shoulder.

"No need to yell, Sprout. I'm right here." Johnny grinned down at Chris as he took the receiver. Chris grinned back and left the kitchen. When he got to the living room, Joanne was coming down the stairs.

"Chris, was it really necessary to yell like that?" I heard you all the way upstairs.

"well, I didn't know where Uncle Johnny was and I - "

"He's not deaf. And you could have put the phone down and looked for him."

"Okay, I'm sorry."

"I laid out your clean laundry on your bed. Go upstairs and put it away."

"Aw, Mom..."

"March!" Chris shrugged and disappeared upstairs. Joanne shook her head and walked into the kitchen. Johnny was hanging up the phone. He turned and looked at her.

"Incredible."

"What? The phone call?"

"Yeah..." Johnny nodded toward the phone and scratched his scar. "That was the County. They're offering me a job."

"A job? Doing what?" Johnny snorted derisively.

"File Clerk. Two afternoons a week, for a total of..." He paused dramatically. "Six hours a week."

"that sounds like - "

"An after school job. It's a kid job. Minimum wage. Incredible."

"Why'd they offer it to you?"

"Because..." He grinned. "A couple of the chicks in Payroll kinda...miss me. Thought it would be a good way to...ya know...get my feet wet before I start working full time again." Joanne studied his face.

"Did you take it?"

"Told 'em I need to think about it. It's humiliating." He grinned again. Joanne laughed.

"If it's so humiliating, why are you smiling?" Johnny headed toward the door. He paused and looked at Joanne.

"Because a couple of chicks miss me. Incredible..." He laughed, pushed through the door into the living room, and disappeared.

Chapter Nineteen

"So, how'd it go?"

Johnny climbed into Roy's car, loosened his tie, hunkered down in the seat, and stared darkly out the window. Roy raised his eyebrows and looked over his shoulder as he pulled into traffic.

"Didn't go well, huh?" Johnny looked out the passenger window.

"It went fine." Roy shrugged his shoulders and didn't respond. Suddenly, Johnny turned to him.

"Ya wanna know who 'missed' me? A middle-age broad and a grandmother. Geeez..." He scratched his scar. Roy snickered.

"At least someone cares, Junior."

"Yeah, right." He sighed. "There are some incredible chicks there, Roy. The only one who talked to me said, "You're not gonna have another nervous breakdown, are ya?" He shook his head. "I thought she understood."

"Yeah, I get your point. Listen, I stopped by your apartment and picked up your mail. it's at home. Whole pile of it."

"Fine. I'll look at it when I'm lying down. I got a headache."

"Oxycodone headache?" Johnny shrugged.

"Aspirin headache. Think it's time to toss the Oxycodone."

Chapter Twenty

"OH, SHIT!"

Johnny's enraged voice barreled out of the den, and brought all activity in the house to a stand-still. Joanne threw Roy a significant glance. Roy sighed, walked to the den, and tapped lightly on the door.

"Johnny? You all right in there?"

"No, damn it, I'm not."

"Need help?"

"Roy, leave me the fuck alone." Roy opened the door and peeked inside the den. Johnny was sitting on the bed, a paper clutched in his hands, his face red with anger. Roy quickly stepped inside the den and closed the door behind him.

"Hey, the kids are home. Watch your mouth." Johnny nodded and stared at the paper, muttering under his breath.

"Goddam sons of bitches..."

"Hey. John. What's - " Suddenly, Johnny crumpled the paper and threw it across the room. It bounced off the wall and landed at Roy's feet. He picked it up, smoothed it out, and glanced at it.

"This is from the DMV." Johnny glanced at him and looked away.

"No shit." He jumped up and started pacing. "Some sonofabitch reported me. I haven't driven. But some asshole..." He snatched the paper from Roy. "Some asshole goes and reports me anyway. They yanked my Goddam license." He crumpled the paper again and handed it back to Roy. "That's it. I'm dead. I'm never gonna get my job back now." Roy smoothed the paper out and shook his head.

"Junior, they didn't yank your license. You have to go to a probationary hearing the day after tomorrow."

"And then they'll yank it. What's the difference?"

"I dunno. But don't jump to conclusions." Johnny took the paper from Roy and studied it.

"It says right here: 'Criminal Probation Officer.' I gotta go see a criminal probation officer. The Department'll never take me back now."

"Johnny - you want me to go with you?" Johnny glanced at Roy, then sighed and sat on the bed.

"You can drive me." He stood and headed to the door. "I gotta go apologize to Joanne and the kids. He opened the door, turned and looked at Roy. "If I was home, I could swear."

Chapter Twenty-One

Bob Freeman waited.

Johnny drummed his fingers on the armrests of his chair, stared at Bob, the artwork, out the window, and back to Bob. Finally, he took a deep breath.

"Did you report me to the DMV?"

"Excuse me?"

"Someone reported me to the DMV. I wanna know if it was you." Slowly, Bob shook his head.

"No, I didn't."

"Oh."

"What happened?"

"Got a letter from the DMV. Some Goddam sonofabitch reported me. Now I gotta see a criminal probation officer." Bob's eyebrows rose in surprise.

"Criminal? Don't they have medical probation officers?"

"How would I know?" Johnny's fingers drummed faster. "Someone is out to get me. Someone who doesn't want me driving, working. How am I gonna get my job back if I can't drive the squad?"

"I thought driving the squad was Roy's job." Johnny shook his head, his anger rising.

"It's not 'Roy's job.' It just worked out that way. It's better when every man knows where he's going, what he needs to do. Ya want us crashing into each other, tryin' to climb into the driver's side?" Bob raised his hand.

"All right, John. I get it."

"No, you don't. Everything is supposed to be done a certain way. Roy drives, I ride gunshot. I give him directions, I read the maps, I work the radio. But if he rides in the ambulance, it's MY job to drive. I can't get my job back without my license. Whoever called the DMV doesn't want me gettin' my job back."

"You don't know that."

"Look...just shut the hell up, would ya? Just - just shut up!" He leaned forward, holding his head in his hands. "I - I'm sorry. I'm just so frustrated. There are roadblocks everywhere. Yesterday morning a chick from my old job asks me if I'm gonna have another nervous breakdown, that afternoon I get a letter from the DMV, and today...today I blew off my shrink." Bob chuckled.

I don't blow off that easily. How about we change the subject? What else is going on? Johnny leaned back in his chair and stared at the ceiling.

"Not much."

"Move back home yet?"

"Nope."

"why not? Hoffman says you're ready. I concur."

"Joanne doesn't want me to go."

"What do YOU want?" Johnny leaned forward, cocked his head, and regarded Bob through narrowed eyes.

"I wanna go home. Don't get me wrong. I love the DeSotos, what they done for me. But..." He laughed. They're drivin' me crazy." Bob laughed.

"I'm sure you're driving them crazy, too."

"Me? I'm not driving 'em crazy...I'm...I'm...yeah, I'm driving 'em crazy."

"So...time to go."

"I don't want to hurt Joanne..."

"And you're scared." Johnny shook his head, then nodded.

"Yeah. Which means I oughtta go, right?"

"What do you think?"

"I think...you're not gonna answer my question." Bob laughed.

"Right."

Chapter Twenty-Two

"John Gage?"

A middle aged woman opened the door to an office at the DMV. Johnny nervously jumped to his feet. Roy started to walk with him into the office, but the woman held up a hand. "Which one of you is Mr. Gage?" Johnny glanced at Roy.

"I am."

"Mr. Gage, please come in. Your friend will have to wait outside." She turned on her heel and walked into the office. Roy gave Johnny a gentle shove.

"I'll be right here. Be polite." Johnny glared at Roy as he followed the woman into the office. The door closed behind him with a loud "click."

"Take a seat." The woman pointed to a chair in front of her desk, crossed behind the desk, and opened a file.

"Mr. Gage, on behalf of The Department Of Motor Vehicles, I'd like to apologize."

"I can explain - "

"Mr. Gage, you don't have to explain."

"But I want to. I haven't driven since my first seizure."

"I'm sure, but - "

"And I had surgery four months ago."

"Mr. Gage - "

"Haven't seized since."

"That's wonderful, but - "

"And I'm not gonna drive for another two months. If I don't seize. Six months. That's the guideline, even though I didn't inform the DMV. It doesn't mean - "

"Mr. Gage - "

"And yeah, technically I know this should have been reported, but I'm an honest guy, I've followed all the rules and it's just not RIGHT to yank my license."

"I agree, and that's - "

"I mean, you have no idea what I've gone through just to get this far, and then ya send me this letter, and ya gotta understand things from my perspective. It's just not - "

"MR. GAGE!"

"WHAT?"

"Will you PLEASE stop talking?"

"I, uh...yeah."

"As I was saying, I'd like to apologize."

"Uh...you wanna apologize?"

"Yes. My nephew has seizures. He was put on probation. It was a humiliating experience. And I'm sorry anyone has to go through it. So again, I apologize."

"Oh. Well, I'm sorry about your nephew, but - "

"AND it's only adding insult to injury to categorize this meeting as a criminal probationary meeting."

"Well, yeah, but - "

"MR. GAGE." She leaned forward; Johnny leaned back. "You're not going to lose your license. And you won't have to meet with me again. Your doctor will have a lot of paperwork to fill out, and you'll get an insulting letter from the DMV every few months for the next year or so. If you face any job discrimination, have the employer contact me." She handed Johnny her card. "Any questions?"

"That's it?"

"Yes, that's it. Again, I apologize. That's all." She looked through a few papers on her desk.

"Oh. Don't worry about it." Johnny stood. She smiled at him.

"It was nice meeting you."

"Yeah, it was..." Johnny backed into the door, fumbled with the knob, and got the door open. "...real nice meetin' you." He closed the door, turned around, and found Roy standing anxiously in front of him.

"You all right?"

"Yeah, sure. Why wouldn't I be all right? Let's go." he headed toward the exit. Roy hadn't moved. "Hey, come on!"

As Roy pulled the car out of the lot, he eyed Johnny. "So...wanna get a burger? You hardly ate breakfast, you were so nervous."

"I wasn't nervous."

"Junior, you were...never mind. You weren't nervous."

Chapter Twenty-Three

"So, John. I need to talk with you about something..."

An hour later, Roy and Johnny were seated at a coffee shop, Johnny wolfing down a burger. Johnny looked up from his plate.

"What is it?"

"John, Joanne is real tired." Johnny smiled.

"I'm goin' home. Just gotta pack."

"Don't take this the wrong way. I just need...my family back the way it used to be." Johnny stuffed a handful of french fries into his mouth.

"No problem, Pally. I was gonna tell ya I was leaving, anyway. Four months is a long time. Plus the summer. Man, that's -"

"It's okay. We wanted to. But now, Joanne and I...we need couple time together, and we can't, uh...we don't feel comfortable...I mean, we haven't..." He blushed. Johnny looked down at his plate.

"You haven't been gettin' it on because I might hear ya."

"Well, yeah. But I think you're ready to go home, Johnny. And Joanne needs to accept that. That's the real reason. She needs to let go. I talked to her last night and she's upset, but she understands." Johnny nodded, gulped the rest of his milkshake, pulled out his wallet, and dropped some money on the table.

"let's get going."

As they exited the coffee shop, Roy turned to Johnny. "You need money?"

"Nah. But uh...don't expect anything big from me for a while. My savings are almost all gone."

As they climbed into the car, Johnny laughed. "Oh, by the way..."

"Hmm?"

"You need some soundproofing in the den ceiling...and stop lying about your love life. From what I hear, it's just fine."

Chapter Twenty-Four

"Oh, geez..."

Johnny stepped inside his apartment and looked around. It was spotless. He peeked into the kitchen and saw Joanne scrubbing the oven.

"All right, knock it off." Joanne pulled off her gloves, smiled, and gave Johnny a gentle kiss on the cheek.

"It's okay. I'm finished. Your apartment is clean, you have meals in the freezer, the fridge is stocked, your bed is made. Welcome home." Johnny shook his head.

"You didn't need to do this."

"Yeah, she did." Roy entered the kitchen and smiled at Joanne. He turned to Johnny. "We made a deal. You get to go home, she gets to make sure your apartment is livable. It was...a real pigsty, Junior."

"All right, all right." Johnny shook his head. "I can take it from here. Why don't you two get lost."

At the door, Joanne embraced Johnny. He smiled down at her and wiped a tear from her cheek.

"I uh...wanna thank ya. I can't repay you for this. I don't know if - "

"It's all right, sweetie. Promise me you'll pace yourself? Call us if you need anything?" Johnny nodded.

"Yeah. Yeah, I will." Joanne glanced at Roy.

"I'll meet you in the car." She opened the door, paused on the threshold, and looked at Johnny. "Anything. Anything at all." Johnny nodded.

And she was gone.

Roy and Johnny stood at the door for a moment, unsure how to part company for the first time in so many months.

"She meant what she said, Junior. You need anything, you call."

"Yeah, I will."

"Don't do anything stupid, now."

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you - " Roy laughed. "Just don't, all right?"

"Okay, okay, geez."

"Well, I'll get going now." He opened the door.

"Roy, wait - " He paused.

"Roy, I - I, uh...I wanna say something...but I don't know how to put it...did I ever thank you, all these months?" Roy chuckled.

"Yes you did, Junior."

"Okay. I been tryin' to figure out what I can do to repay you. It's just that - "

"Johnny - "

"Yeah?"

"Welcome home." Roy shook Johnny's hand, held on for a moment longer than necessary, then embraced him. Johnny hugged him back, then gently pushed him away.

"Joanne's waiting." Roy nodded.

And he was gone.

Johnny walked into the kitchen and poured himself a glass of milk. He walked into the living room and sat on the sofa. He stretched his legs out on the coffee table. He scratched the scar. He took a gulp of milk, closed his eyes and smiled.

"Incredible..."

Chapter Twenty-Five

"Station 51, Firefighter DeSoto speaking."

Roy listened for a moment.

"Junior, slow down, I can't...what? Why don't you... What? Okay, okay. Tomorrow night. Okay. We'll be there."

Chapter Twenty-Six

"Surprise!"

Johnny threw open the door to his apartment and ushered the DeSotos inside. He handed two gift wrapped boxes to Chris and Jenny, an envelop to Joanne.

"Well? Open 'em."

The kids opened their gifts. Jenny squealed.

"Mommy, look at this! All these art supplies! Uncle Johnny, thank you!" She hugged him. He held onto her, whispering, "I love you, Jen." she looked up at him.

"I love you, too." He released her, only to find Chris looking up at him, his eyes shining.

"How'd you know I wanted a new football?" Johnny laughed.

"You told me, Sprout. Four weeks ago, right before I left. Remember?"

"Oh, yeah. Ya think we can toss it around later?"

"You bet." Johnny felt a hand on his arm. Joanne was shaking her head.

"John, we can't accept this check. You have no money left. And what is this check for? You don't owe us." Johnny took her hands.

"I do owe you. And I can't repay you. But I can send you on a vacation, maybe two days at some incredible place. Just you and Roy. I'll take care of the kids." Roy shook his head.

"Junior, Joanne is right. You don't owe us. And you told me your savings are almost gone. You can't afford - " Johnny laughed.

"Yes I can. I uh...got a promotion."

"You got a promotion? To what?"

"Payroll Supervisor."

"But that's the job - "

"I had when I had to stop working. The one that uh...pays three times as much as a hose jockey, remember? Started three weeks ago. Got my first paycheck last week."

"But how - "

"Well, my replacement was fired. They musta remembered what a good job I did, because the department head offered it to me. Incredible, huh?"

"But we can't - " Johnny shook his head.

"Please, Roy. Let me do this for you. I gotta do something." Roy stared at Johnny for a moment, then reached out a hand. Johnny grasped Roy's hand and shook it gratefully. "Please. Take the check." Roy smiled and nodded.

"All right, Junior. And thank you."He handed the check to Joanne, who looked at it and smiled.

"We'll take it on one condition."

"Aw, Joanne. I AM taking care of myself. Come on, ya gotta -"

"The condition is...you get a haircut." Johnny laughed.

"A HAIRCUT? She nodded.

"Yes. Your hair is growing unevenly. Get a trim." Johnny nodded.

"I was kinda enjoying watching it grow. But I'll get a trim." She hugged him.

"Then we accept."

"Great. Now, dinner's on me. Whatdaya want? I can make ya dinner, or we can go out. What'll it be?" The DeSotos looked at each other, then turned to Johnny and spoke in unison.

"OUT!"

Chapter Twenty-Seven

"JOHNNY! OPEN THE DOOR!"

Johnny sat up, startled by the noise. He glanced at the clock.

Six am.

"Geez..." He dragged himself out of bed and staggered to the door. He wrenched it open to find Roy standing in front of him, dangling the keys to the Rover.

"What the - "

"Just returning your keys, Junior."

"But - "

"Thought you might want to drive to work, instead of taking the bus." Johnny stared at the keys. "It's six months, Johnny. Six months today." Roy took Johnny's hand and placed the keys in it. "Can we come in?" Dumfounded, Johnny stepped aside as Roy, Joanne, Jenny, Chris, Cap, Marco, Chet, and Mike crowded into his living room. Chet handed him a heavy box.

Here ya go, Gage. Get to work."

"What is this?"

"Study materials. In case the Department makes ya retake your certification exam. I figure ya need six months, considering how much less brain matter the surgeons left ya with." Johnny dropped the box on the coffee table.

"Shut up, Chet. And thank you." Chet shook Johnny's hand.

"You're gonna do it, Pal. Six months from today. You're gonna be a paramedic again."

"I hope so."

"I KNOW so."

Cap stepped forward. "John, you do your part, and we'll all be at that hearing, every one of us." He shook Johnny's hand.

"Thanks, Cap. Thanks for the support, the friendship. Just...thanks."

Mike stood in the background, smiling from ear to ear. "You're gonna make it, Johnny. Listen, did anyone run the Rover? The battery might be dead. I could fix it for you."

"I, uh..." Roy laughed.

"Don't worry, Mike. Chet took care of it while we were away. And Joanne snuck over and ran it when we got back." Johnny looked at Joanne, confused.

"Joanne? You ran the Rover? On top of everything else?" JoAnne gave him a hug.

"it's all right, sweetie. I wanted to. And I ran it after you moved home, too. Made me feel better, being able to do something."

"But - "

"It's all right."

Jenny took his hand. She pointed to the picture she had painted of John and Roy, tacked up on the wall over the sofa.

"Uncle Johnny, you looking forward to being a paramedic again?" He crouched down and hugged her.

"Jen - "

"I think you're gonna make it. Daddy says if you really want something, and work hard, you'll make it."

Johnny looked up at Roy.

"You really said that?"

"Yep. I meant it, too."

"But - " A hand tapped his shoulder. Chris leaned down and whispered in his ear.

"I decided to become a firefighter. I wanna work at Station Fifty-One. I wanna work with Dad and you." Johnny pulled Chris close, and whispered back.

"Chris, you're gonna make a great firefighter. Listen, don't - "

"I'll be a great one, just like you."

"Chris, don't - " Chris stared at him.

"Don't what? You okay?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm okay." He released the kids, rose, and grinned. "Ya all wanna wait an hour, watch me drive to work?" Roy shook his head.

"Nah. We talked about it, but decided it should be more a...private moment." Johnny nodded.

"I guess."

The group headed for the door. Chet grinned.

"So, Gage...that line down the center of the road? Stay on the RIGHT."

"Oh, get outta here."

"One by one, the group left, until Roy and Johnny stood alone by the door.

"You be careful, all right?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I will."

"Need anything?"

"Nah, I'm good."

"Six months, Junior. I'll help you study. And you can come to the station to practice your skills. Everyone volunteered to help."

"Roy, what if - "

"Don't think like that, John. Stay positive."

"But - "

"Come over for dinner tonight?"

"I got a date tonight."

"A date?"

"Yeah. New chick in Payroll. She's incredible." He paused. "Looks kinda like Maggie." They fell silent for a moment.

"Tomorrow night, then."

"Well, that depends on how things go tonight." Roy chuckled.

"Got it." He patted Johnny on the shoulder. "See ya, Junior."

Johnny closed the door behind Roy. He looked at the keys and murmured, "All RIGHT." He went into the bedroom, opened the drawer on the nightstand, and pulled out the pocket calendar. He flipped through the pages, crossed out the previous day, and circled the "D" on the current date.

"'D' is for 'drive.' Incredible." He flipped through the pages, to six months in the future.

"And 'J' is for 'Job.' But what if..." He shook his head. "Stay positive."

He replaced the calendar, sat on the bed for a moment, tossed the keys in the air, caught them, and fell back on the bed. He closed his eyes and savored he moment. Then he opened his eyes and stared at the ceiling.

"Six months. Man, I better get cracking. John Gage,

Firefighter/Paramedic." He sighed.

"I hope."

THE END


End file.
